We are surrounded 24/7 by images of success, the media, is the biggest culprit showing images of people living the dream, and social media is another platform that everyone uses to full effect showing holiday photos, family get togethers, out with friends, shopping, in essence the epitome of what we all know to be success. When you are surrounded by these flashing images and bombardment every time you switch on the television, radio, pick up a magazine, sign into your social media or see friends who are thriving and you are going through despair, loneliness, isolation, lack of emotional support, and failure to thrive seeing these images just reinforces your own sense of failure and be successful and happy in your own right.
Having gone through so many challenges surviving living with a narcissistic mother, an abusive marriage, divorce, alienation, isolation, unemployment, and poor health as a direct consequence of trauma, I am a survivor, and very happy in my own company. Yet I am still viewing life from a window, looking out and wondering when it is going to be my turn to find real happiness, success and joy? People always say you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, yes I understand that but and there is a but, I am surrounded by so many people who are very wealthy and get themselves into a tizz just because their favourite bottle of wine is not available, they cannot get to the gym. It is surreal to me, when I have struggled at times to have enough money to even buy a loaf of bread! Everyone around me has someone, I have no -one and that makes me feel totally invisible, no-one listens, really listens, because everyone is wrapped up in their own life, being successful, having wonderful holiday, experiencing life as a dance and just enjoying their journey. Part of being invisible is that no-one even notices that you are suffering internally and even if they were they simply do not know what to say!
I think constantly, what can I do to inject some positivity into my life that is tangible and will get the ball rolling and get me moving ahead. I can see it in my mind’s eye and yet I am bogged down by financial constraints, abandonment,logistics worry of how to get from A-B and move onto a happier phase of life.
Feeling invisible is a dreadful thing, in my case, I believe it goes back to my childhood of neglect and being in the company of a narcissistic mother. She wasn’t present, or engaged in any aspect of my wellbeing, or care, and so that sent a negative message to me as a young child that I didn’t matter and therefore, I didn’t really exist. She projected onto me her sense of distorted reality and judgement. As I developed into an adult and into the arms of an abusive marriage this message was driven home even harder, once again I was in a situation where I didn’t matter, I didn’t exist and I was invisible. I couldn’t do right for doing wrong and at times didn’t have any strong self of self or direction. I have turned my back on these two individuals for my own wellbeing. I have worked hard on myself, studied, done things I would never had done if I had still being caught up in that toxicity, read, helped thousands. Yet I still feel invisible,like a speck of dust floating around, unnoticed and undervalued, why because everyone doesn’t know what to say to me, they just leave me to get on with it.
How many of you reading this can relate?
Life Coaching Your Emotions 